Picture this, it’s June 2015 and Donald Trump has announced his intention to not run for presidency but instead to get into Football Management after gaining his coaching badges in private for some years. After doing much research he realises that Europe is the promised land of football and that’s where all the money is, and noticing the fanfare of the Wenger out campaign and his sons interest in the club, Mr Trump decides to buy out the rest of Arsene Wenger’s contract and is appointed manager.
It’s time for the first press conference on Trumps first day, he sits down, the first question from the journalist comes in: “Mr Trump, what do you plan to achieve over your time at Arsenal?” and then in pure Conor McGregor press conference style replied with “Make Arsenal Great Again!” and walks out with that huge orange grin across his face, the tabloids can’t believe what they have witnessed and Trump instantly becomes a meme and has broken twitter, ArsenalFanTV believe in the Donald to take them to the next level with huge money signings whilst Ty celebrates all the new Trump merchandise he’ll be able to cover himself in when they play Stoke away from home on the game of the season.
In terms of transfers there’s only one man that Donald Trump can turn to, it’s captain America himself, the one and only, Clint Fucking Dempsey. It seems bizarre I know but the situation was a big backroom staff meeting was called and the offers of Edinson Cavani, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Luis Suarez all laid out on the table and Mr Trump says that he wants to put “America First” and sign American talent so that they be better than Mexico at the next World Cup in Russia thus why American Arsenal youth prospect Gedion Zelalem was promoted to the Arsenal first team and put straight into the first team ahead of Mesut Özil. The board then decided to give Trump a small loan of 100 million dollars to spend on a marquee signing and from this the man decided to invest in a huge marquee signing of Luis Suarez signing him for a fee of £99 million and 1 pence from Barcelona which saw a huge soar in shirt sales as Arsenal recouped the transfer fee in revenue from Suarez shirt sales.
After an intense pre season campaign the bookies had Trump’s gunners as one of the favourites to lift the Premier League trophy following the addition of Luis Suarez to the side which stole all the headline coming into the season. Their first game was a home game against Sunderland so all eyes were turned to the Emirates as they expected to see an absolute goal fest in favour of the North London side and Donald Trump walking out of the tunnel dressed like an American version of Tony Pulis showed he was ready for action in the Premier League. Clint Dempsey lead the line for Arsenal and Trumps men with Suarez off the striker, and many fans had no idea what to expect from this selection. The experiment proved to work a treat as Trump’s side won 3-0 with a brace from Clint Dempsey and the other from Luis Suarez but questions were seriously asked of Donald Trump’s side as no one really knew where they were supposed to be as no real style of play had been established and when asked about this in his post match press conference he said that “This is Arsenal and we’ll play how we want”.
So 3 months have passed in Donald Trumps tenure as manager and Arsenal are currently sat in 8th position after a huge decline in form which has left the Gunners fans in absolute disarray and huge pressure is mounted on The Donald to get results and fast in order to keep his job and some fans have already taken to the stands with their “Trump Out” banners like the good old campaigns. Including multiple appearances from Claude on Arsenal Fan TV demanding that Trump resigns from his post as manager. Something that Donald Trump saw ye old Twitter and was made aware of, this called for the press conference that would go down in history as one of the strangest since Nigel Pearson called a journalist an “Ostrich”.
In usual press conference fashion Trump walks in sits down and addresses the field of journalists that sit in front of him eager to hear his next words. The first question comes in and asks Trumps: “How do you respond to those at ArsenalFanTv?”. There is a pause of suspense and he starts: “My fellow gooners, it has brought to my attention of the group ArsenalFanTv and their views towards my management, unfortunately I don’t have the necessary powers to extradite them from the Emirates but from this I have devised a plan to build a big, beautiful wall instead where all fans except those of ArsenalFanTv can pass through because I am here to stay”.
In order to cut a long story short, Arsenal performed well in the champions league but due to being a second seed side they finished second in their group to a far superior Barcelona side and then in the last 16 drew Bayern Munich and then same old same old Arsenal lost 6-1 on aggregate and were eliminated. The end.
The end of reason brought a lot of disappointment in the end as Arsenal crashed out of both cup competitions and remained around the Europa places as it became clear that Trump had no idea what on earth he was doing at all in terms of management and it’s fair to say there was more than just a handful of Trump out signs at the end of the season. But in between this there was non stop controversy for Trump regarding player selection, tactics and transfers after there a ban on Muslim players in the starting 11 was introduced with huge disciplinary action being faced retrospectively and many fans deeming Trump as clueless with no idea on how to play his side and who his best XI and many a twitter spat with supporters as he earned his status as one of the most controversial managers in the Premier League era. Results finished with score like 1-0 and 2-2 that have all happened in previous fixtures featuring Arsenal. As Arsenal looked to finish the season outside of the Europa league places in 8th and were looking to finish outside of any European qualification for the first time ever. It was clear to the rest of the world that the recruitment of Clint Dempsey had backfired and he had also lost the dressing room.
At the end of the season the inevitable end came for Donald Trump in what was an ultimate failure of a dabble into management and was an absolute nightmare for the fans in which saw a whole number of players wanting to leave unless Donald Trump was sacked which led to the owners having their hands tied and was saw the axe being slammed down onto the execution board on Donald Trump’s management career with Arsenal.